The Banquet and Aloneness with Jesus

Sunday worship at church...

Someone shared a prophetic word at the microphone up front from Luke 14:16-24 where Jesus tells of a man who prepared a banquet for people. Everyone he invited made excuses though, saying they had to go check out their field, another had to go examine his oxen, and another was getting married. Standing their with my eyes closed listening to the words, I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of those men. They had to go check on their field or their oxen! What were they going to do, go check Bessie for fleas while Jesus has a banquet prepared for them?! Oh, it seems so absurd and what was so convicting at the same time was that I knew I was just as absurd in my own life. Every morning, God invites me to a banquet that he's prepared for me. And what is my excuse?

Wait, Lord, let me eat my Grape Nuts and check my email!

It's kinda funny because it's so crazy but it's really so serious at the same time. The parable ends with the man saying that none of those men would taste the banquet. I was so thankful to hear that scripture Sunday morning because it seemed handpicked by God for my heart and afterwards, as we sang Be thou my vision, Lord of my heart..., my heart just wanted to run to Jesus and be close to him. God has been using those words already this week in convicting me to drop everything and go to the banquet. I love when Jesus uses such stories to show how really stupid I am and to wake me up from deadly habits. This morning was one of a little painful adjustment and reminding myself to go to the banquet but I was so glad I did...

I also read a wonderful post from Mark Driscoll today and I loved the quote he used from Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

“Only in fellowship do we learn to be rightly alone and only in aloneness do we learn to be rightly in fellowship.”

I can so relate with this right now as I struggle to be satisfied in Christ during both alone times and during times with other people. The two seem to feed each other though and build on one another. I really want to learn not to go back and forth between focusing too much on one end of the spectrum but to learn how they both relate and when the Spirit is leading me to spend my time in a certain way. My heart really just cries out to be satisfied in Jesus but I guess it is learning how that is played out in the everyday of mingled solitude and relationships.

The Kite Runner: Hassan's Love

This book, The Kite Runner, is simply an amazing story. The love displayed by the boy, Hassan, in the story brings me to tears every time I read about his relationship with the main character, Amir. They grow up together as friends but Hassan is from what is considered an inferior race in Afghanistan. Amir becomes torn between his love for Hassan and it being accepted by those around them. I'll quote here one my favorites parts. It's one of many displays of Hassan's love that brought me to tears. Hassan was raped in an alley by some neighborhood bullies. Amir stood by watching, torn whether or not to stand up for his friend. In the end, he did nothing and watched his friend get raped even though Hassan had stood up to protect Amir countless times. Unable to live in the same house with Hassan in the days that follow, Amir plants some of his money and his watch in Hassan's room, making it look like it was stolen in order to get his father, Baba, to get rid of Hassan as their servant. This quote begins with the confrontation that ensues. I can't explain all the intricacies of the story that make this such a powerful scene but it atleast gives a small taste.


They'd both been crying; I could tell from their red, puffed-up eyes. They (Hassan and his father) stood before Baba (Amir's father), hand in hand, and I wondered how and when I'd become capable of causing this kind of pain.
Baba came right out and asked. "Did you steal that money? Did you steal Amir's watch, Hassan?"
Hassan's reply was a single word, delivered in a thin, raspy voice: "Yes."
I flinched, like I'd been slapped. My heart sank and I almost blurted out the truth. Then I understood: This was Hassan's final sacrifice for me. If he'd said no, Baba would have believed him because we all knew Hassan never lied. And if Baba believed him, then I'd be the accused; I would have to explain and I would be revealed for what I really was. Baba would never, ever forgive me. And that led to another understanding: Hassan knew. He knew I'd seen everything in that alley, that I'd stood there and done nothing. he knew I had betrayed him and yet he was rescuing me once again, maybe for the last time. I loved him in that moment, loved him more than I'd ever loved anyone, and I wanted to tell them all that I was the snake in the grass, the monster in the lake. I wasn't worthy of this sacrifice; I was a lair, a cheat, and a thief. And I would have told, except that a part of me was glad. Glad that this would all be over with soon. Baba would dismiss them, there would be some pain, but life would love on. I wanted that, to move on, to forget, to start with a clean slate. I wanted to be able to breathe again.
Except Baba stunned me by saying, "I forgive you."

I think what hits my heart the most is that I relate. I do things that are despicable so many times, especially in light of God's love shown to me. Like Amir, I've often wondered how and when I'd become capable of causing this kind of pain. It is so powerful to watch how Hassan's past love, in the face of being raped and then betrayed by his best friend, haunts Amir in his efforts to run away from and bury his past sin. It is much how Christ's love haunts me in the midst of my sin. I feel like Amir and my whole life I am struggling to come to terms with this love that I don't deserve. It painful, hard, wonderful, and sweet all at the same time. Even after a life of opening my heart to my Savior's love, I know I will still not have fully come to terms with it. But I do know that I want more and more of His love. I pray that Christ's love would haunt me all the way to my grave.

Shawarmas

A beautiful sunny, cool and breezy day in Bahrain was made even more beautiful by three delicious mega shawarmas from the local shawarma stand. As a former shawarma-skeptic I was coaxed into trying one months ago at the very same stand. I bought my sample from the nice Arab man for the wonderful price of $1.50 and sat down to eat. It wasn't long before I was ordering two more. Simply delicious and addicting!
A mega shawarma, my personal favorite, is a soft, warm tortilla/pita filled with thin pieces of marinated meat, lettuce, french fries and a white sauce. It seems a little odd which was why I was skeptical at first but afterwards I would not have been able to stop to tell you about it because my mouth was filled with beloved shawarma goodness.

Tonight will be a nice evening with my friend who is here and hopefully our dinner will include some beautifully crafted shawarmas as the Middle Eastern sun sets. :)

After the Election: Trusting Jesus and Longing for Him

I think the best blog I read in response to the election was from Mark Driscoll, pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle. Click here to read.

"There is a hope that burns within my heart
That gives me strength for every passing day
A glimpse of glory now revealed in meager part
Yet drives all doubt away.
I stand in Christ with sins forgiv'n
And Christ in me the hope of heav'n
My highest calling and my deepest joy
To make His will my own."
-from Stuart Townend's "There Is A Hope"

"He led them by the straight way till they reached a city to dwell in. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he satisfies the longing soul and the hungry soul he fills with good things."
Psalm 107.7-9

Make more of Jesus.

The Redeemer and the Election

Put your hope in me!

As I watch the news and the two silly candidates giving motivating speeches, this is the basic message I hear. Put your hope in me. And to that I say, No! No, I won't put my hope in you because my hope is in Jesus! There was a day two thousand years ago when the disciples thought all was lost. Jesus was on the cross and breathed what was thought to be his last breath. All was not lost though; Jesus conquered death and rose again! And ever since then God has been redeeming seemingly dark and hopeless situations. Jesus is our Redeemer and he continues to redeem because he is alive! I am excited for November 4th to come and every day after because that will be a day that Jesus is alive and redeeming. No matter who is President, we are hopeless without Jesus!

I just finished a book about the Christian church growing in a Muslim country. The Christians there had to put their hope in Jesus and be willing to die for Him. Two of the young men had dreams one day to go preach Jesus Christ on the steps of Mecca! What faith and love for their Savior! The church there is still growing in the face of opposition, imprisonments and death and they are bringing change to culture around them with the love of Christ. The book reminded me that the hope for change in any culture is the church putting their hope in Jesus Christ and reaching out into the darkness with the glorious light of their Redeemer and Savior. People will see the love and forgiveness of Christ through the church and that will bring more change to the culture than anything else could.

I'm not saying it doesn't matter who is President, just that it matters infinitely more that Jesus is on the throne and that he is the promised and faithful Redeemer of our lives and the world. In the midst of watching the news and trying not to yell at the tv screen (I am guilty here), in the midst of injustice and inconsistency, and in the midst of voting on November 4th, put your hope in Jesus! Only HE is worthy and only HE can keep his promise to redeem the world. Let hope rise because of Jesus and his church where He lives and breathes by his Spirit.

Let hope rise!
The darkness trembles in your holy light
Every eye will see Jesus our God
Great and mighty to be praised!
-from "With Everything" by Hillsong

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in you.
Psalm 39:7

Haiku For My Grandmother

I've been emailing my grandmother in Seattle while I've been at sea and she has been encouraging me to write haiku. She knows I like writing poetry and in fact, is in a large part responsible for my liking of poetry. She introduced one of her own haiku as an example. You may guess by the haiku that she is an Obama supporter and has a quite dry since of humor.

Morning broken
Shattered by the jerk who stole
My Obama sign

Traditionally haiku are supposed to be about nature but you can do whatever you please I suppose. She asked me to write some of my own and in my next email I didn't so she asked me again. Here are the ones that I sent her in the next email.

Seattle sunshine
No, not today--so we wait
And smile at the clouds

My grandmother says people in Seattle don't smile at the clouds, they spit at them. This second one was her favorite I think because it describes things we both absolutely love!

The morning--coffee
Wind chimes in the breeze--pancakes
A book on the couch

And the last one was inspired by reading Thomas Watson who wrote, "Never do the flowers of grace grow more than after a shower of repentant tears."

Rain falls--bitter drops--
Tears soften the surface--dry hearts
Soon to grow sweet fruit

Tears of Adoption

I was listening to a song tonight called, "All I Really Want For Christmas" by Steven Curtis Chapman. It's sung from the perspective of an adopted child crying out in hope of having a family. I have listened to the song many times but tonight it brought me to tears as I listened,

All I really want for Christmas is for someone to tuck me in,
Tell me I'll never be alone, someone whose love will never end...

As tears came to my eyes I thought about what a joy it would be to adopt to a child and raise him or her. I thought about how it's a lot of work to adopt a child but that seems like such a dumb excuse in light of that child's need! I know some day I want to adopt a child.
I think what really gets me about this song every time I hear it is that I feel like the words of the song are the words of my own heart. My heart wants to have someone tell me that I'll never be alone and for that someone to have love that never ends. And I know that someone is my Father in heaven. Except he's not just in heaven anymore! Haha, he shone into the world through Jesus and now He stays with, even inside us through His Spirit. I love my Father so much and I know in my heart that I will NEVER be alone and His love will NEVER end! Haha, that makes me laugh through my tears. God has been softening my heart lately and calming my soul, giving me dreams and passions to give my life away for Him. He has been making my heart more like a child, quick to trust, quick to hope, quick to believe, and quick to rest in His presence. I am so thankful for Him!

I'll set my gaze on God alone
And trust in Him completely
With every day pour out my soul
And He will prove His mercy
Though life is but a fleeting breath
A sigh to brief to measure
My King has crushed the curse of death
And I am His forever.
-from Stuart Townend, "My Soul Finds Rest (Psalm 62)"