Be Still My Soul

Be still, my soul:
when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened
in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know
His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe
thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul:
thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness
all He takes away.

Could a hymn better describe how I feel as I look back at all the dear friends I have left behind? The tears I have cried as my heart longs for their nearness have been many and yet if I had not cried them, I would not have known His love, His heart, Who comes to soothe. I love the last lines of this verse. They recognize the fullness of Christ and his loving sovereignty, loving us even to the point of taking away those close to us so that He can be even closer. Be still, my soul and behold the God who loves! He loved us enough to suffer on the cross for us. He loves us enough to have us share in His sufferings and so have our hearts pressed up against His. When all is darkened in the vale of tears, that we might better know His heart and His love!

"For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too."
2 Corinthians 1:5

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share in Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed."
1 Peter 4:12

Declaring The Mystery of Christ

When it rains or it shines on this pillow of mine
I will lift up my head to the sky
So I have chance to see
Where my hope has come from
No, there's nothing that I can't abide

When nothing satisfies you
When nothing satisfies you
When nothing satisfies you
Hold my hand

Send forth Your light, Lord
And send forth Your truth
Let them guide me to your holy place
Then will I go to the altar of God
to my Joy, my Delight and my Strength

I listened to this song tonight and remembered listening to it my junior year at boarding school. I had my own room that year and so had a lot time to myself. I remember crying into my pillow and feeling the pain of having such beauty right in front of me in God and such disgusting and revolting sin so often rising up within me. I would try to satisfy myself with so many other things besides God and listening to this song gave me sense that God was whispering to my heart, Even though you've wandered away, I've come to find you. Hold my hand. Satisfy yourself in Me. I remember lying curled up on my bed with teary eyes and feeling wrapped in God's comforting presence. I remember never wanting to leave.

I feel some of the same feelings now tonight. You see, my junior year was one of the times when I wandered the most away from God and willfully rebelled and loved sin in so many ways. I wish I could say that I rose from my bed the morning after experiencing God's comfort and went out and laid my life down for Him but I didn't. I got frustrated and I wandered aimlessly, only occasionally lifting up prayers to the God who had laid his life down for me. So many times I have found myself worshipping God in my room by myself, so amazed at how wonderful He is. And so many times I've thought to myself, I wish I could take this peace, this joy, this freedom, and somehow do something to make others experience this! I realize now though that the problem was my own unwillingness to lay my life down, to suffer for God. I didn't yet understand the cross, that all other ground was sinking sand, and that I must remain there. I didn't understand the words of J. Knox Chamblin who wrote, The Spirit does not take his pupils beyond the cross, but ever more deeply into it. I had experienced the cross before in my life but then had moved on and in the process, had left behind the very thing that had set me free to begin with.

I sit here tonight on my ship and I have that same feeling and frustration of wanting to take this great beauty that's captivating my heart and to show it to others somehow. I still don't know how but I know now that I can't do this unless I am taken deeper into the cross. At the cross I am taught how to love and lay my life down for others. I can cry tears in awe of God's grace and rise from my bed the next morning to find all my needs met in one place. I can talk to people throughout my day and the cross that I cling to keeps me humble enough to pray, Spirit, help me. I don't know how to do this. Help me to love them and show them what you showed me.

"Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ...that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak."
Colossians 4:2-4

The Hidden Person of the Heart

I'm so tired of the stumble I've been calling walk. I've so tired of the mumble I've described as talk. Now I think it's time I lose myself in the One who found me here.

I've been listening to this cd Somedays by Matt Wertz while I've been sitting here reading and thinking tonight. I listen to Matt when I drive a lot because his music is relaxing, heart-felt music that makes me consider my life in new ways through the stories he tells in his songs. Whenever I listen to the lyrics above, I think about how I so easily fall into talking about my walk with Christ. Can I really call it a walk? And then to realize that most of the words I have during my day are really just a mumble. They are so unsure and on the surface. They aren't saturated with a love for Christ and his sacrifice for me on the cross. It's so refreshing to just be able to stop and say, God, I can't walk. I can't even find words. And I'll never be able to walk or have words until you come and live your life in me.

In another one of Matt's songs, he tells a story about a beautiful garden:

My garden was once my favorite part of this town
It's beauty overshadowed all the others in this place
You see I hired a man to care for it and keep it that way
He was the best gardener around.
But soon my old pride got to thinking
About doing this job on my own
I fired the man who perfectly kept it
And that's when the weeds started growing

I've tried all the external fix-it remedies
And I've exhausted every ounce of my own strength
But until I dig down deep enough to find the root
All I'm doing is yanking out the weeds

I am reminded by this to consider areas of my life where I am trying to yank out weeds and merely fix the external while my heart remains unchanged. Only Christ can be the gardener of my heart and bring genuine change at the roots.

Do not let your adorning be external...but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 1 Peter 3:3-4

I know this was written specifically to wives but the principle behind it is so true! It makes you want to forget about the external things and long for Christ to make you beautiful on the inside, in your heart. When I come before the cross and consider Christ's finished work, how it humbles me and makes me wonder why I try to do things on my own. Lord, help me to surrender each day to the change you want to bring in my heart. Help me to let go of all the external things I am trying to hold on to.

It Is Well

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

I imagine the writer of this hymn looking down on the waters where only weeks before his four daughters had drowned and were swallowed by the sea. I imagine him standing there, hearing only the peaceful sounds of the ocean while inside he hears the voices of his daughters, beautiful sounds that he will never hear again. Oh, how many tears must have rolled down his cheeks as the Spirit touched his heart and words slowly surfaced to his lips, "It is well with my soul."

How kind of God. How kind of Him to love us by experiencing the same feeling of loss in giving up His Son. Oh, the tears God must have cried as our sin was nailed through the hands of his Son! On a day when my heart feels the loss of saying goodbye and my eyes are wet with tears, my greatest comfort is at the cross where God made a way for us. Here, at the cross, I can hide and though I still cry many tears, there is a sweet peace that passes like a stream over my heart.

'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.' And he who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.'
Revelation 21:3-5

I love to sing this hymn so much and I am so often overwhelmed as it fills up my heart. I was watching this video of it being sung in the last days before I left today and God used it to touch my heart. I hope it encourages you as well as you draw close and remember what Christ has done for us. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought...

Glory Come Down

What is it in the nature of man
That draws us away from our purpose
To despise the things of God
And love the things that hurt us

And this can't be, no it cant be
What you have intended for us
This can't be, no it cannot be
What you have intended for us

Glory, come down
Sent from your holy place
Come cleanse us now
Sovereign and holy, come make us holy
Sovereign and holy, come make us holy

Driving home tonight, I was listening to an old cd mix I made years ago and on it was the song "Glory Come Down" by Sara Groves. What a beautiful song; not only beautiful piano but lyrics filled with beautiful truths as well. How quickly I am drawn away from my purpose and soon I find myself with no appetite or taste for the things of God and I begin loving things that only end up hurting me. Sometimes these things are even the very gifts that God gives me.

I remember one of the prayers I love in "The Valley of Vision" where the writer admits that when God gives him gifts, he begins to idolize them. He prays that God would cleanse him of this "spiritual adultery". I must remember what I learned from John Piper that God's gifts are not meant to be the end in themselves but that they serve their purpose when they are wings that carry me to God and recognizing Him as the prize and the greatest gift.

What a beautiful thought it is, to be holy as He is holy. And it is only God who can accomplish this for in myself there is nothing but sin. God is sovereign and will make me holy as I surrender my adulterous heart to him. These are not light-hearted thoughts when describing my own sinfulness, I know, but how such thoughts cry out for a Savior to cleanse and make beautiful. What was dirty and stained, God makes white as snow. What was dark as night, God fills with light. And the heart that was frozen through, God warms and makes soft. All this was bought by you, Jesus, with a love that suffered, sacrificed, and endured. Make us holy as you are holy. Warm our frozen hearts.

"For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit..."
1 Peter 3:18