Tomorrow Sings A Sweet Song

poem I wrote and read at my brother Jack and his new wife Emily's wedding in Kauai.

Today sings a sweet song of goodbye
As you step hopefully onto your boat
And let loose the lines
Today is the day the shore disappears
And all you have is the ocean, the wind, the sky, sun, moon, and stars.
The ocean is God’s love
The wind is God’s love
The sky, sun, moon, stars, all God’s love.

Today this truth is easy,
The waters carry you gently
The wind swirls around you and whispers
Of worlds beyond the sea
The stars shine and fill the sky with their silent songs.

Tomorrow the truth will be harder
The ocean will seem angry,
The wind that once comforted will seem to threaten
And the sun, moon, and stars will all disappear behind a dark curtain.
You won’t understand
But remember,
The ocean is still God’s love
The wind is still God’s love
The sky, sun, moon, and stars, all God’s love.

The ocean, though it rages, does it not still hold you?
The wind, though fierce, has it forgotten the place it is taking you?
And the stars, invisible now, do they not still sing their silent songs behind the clouds?

So smile as you set sail tonight
And listen closely to the sounds of the ocean and the wind and the stars.
Today sings a sweet song of goodbye
And tomorrow a song of faithfulness
But one day He will sing His song to you face to face.

Redemption and Spring

"Awake thou wintry earth—
Fling off thy sadness!
Fair vernal flowers, laugh forth
Your ancient gladness!"
-Thomas Blackburn

Spring is an overflow. It's like the earth is having its morning stretch and yawning on the way to the kitchen to cook me pancakes. The smell makes its way to my room and makes me smile as I have my first coherent thoughts. Spring has its' smells that seem to wake me up from my winter sleep and my imagination is once more enlivened as I am surrounded by wonder. Wonder comes upon me when something beautiful happens that I can't explain; something beautiful like the flowers blooming, the wind blowing through new leaves for the first time, and the way the Spring sunlight makes your skin shiver; beautiful things that are reflections of resurrection and the melting of the winter that clings to us. These reflections fill me with wonder.

Spring always makes me think of "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" and how there are all these whisperings of Aslan's return accompanied by melting snow and a warm wind. It's such a beautiful reflection of how there are whisperings all around us of Jesus' return when the spell of sin will be broken and Spring will come for us.

I also think of the verse in Nichole Nordeman's "Every Season",

"And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring."

All of the seasons speak to us of the Lord's love in different ways and He uses them to recreate us. I love how in Spring, the beautiful inheritance that Jesus paid for with His suffering on the cross, is seen and felt in tangible ways all around us. In a small way we can see the fulfillment of the suffering we go through and how the Lord redeems it to make something more beautiful than we could have ever imagined. And to think these things are just whisperings of His return. It's all very beautiful to think of...

"You should see the sun in Spring
Coming out after a rain
Suddenly, all is green
Sunshine on everything..."
-from "Stars" by David Crowder Band

Wales: What a wonder! to be living...

I had never been to Wales before. There is a subtle beauty there that you wouldn't see at first. The weather is mostly rainy and the people seem normal enough. I think what I loved was that I wasn't overwhelmed by it. It wasn't a culture trying to be attractive to tourists or anything like that. Things seem pretty slow-paced and I didn't feel rushed along. I could just relax and enjoy things.
I was really excited because I was able to meet up with my friend Peter who's working with a church over there. He met Matt and I at the train station and spent the day with us. I wanted to go to the park of course which blew me away. The trees were spectacular and looked like they had been there for hundreds of years. The picture above is of Peter and I at the park. I couldn't just look at the trees of course and so I shimmied my way onto this branch even though it was a little wet.
I don't know how they come up with names for pubs over there and I never seem to know what they mean half the time. I guess I should just ask the people who work there if they even know. Here is me and Matt in front of one.
That night we decided we wanted to see some live music so Peter, Matt and I went to this pub called O'Neill's and I was so surprised by the music. There were three guys around my age who each played their own set of music on the guitar. It was all their own songs and it was anything but mediocre. The first guy, Gethin John, really resonated with me the most. He sang songs about nature and memories and sunrises, stuff like that. He was some very poetic lines like, "All my todays are like my yesterdays of untouchable tomorrows." Here is a not-so-good picture of Gethin playing.
I went and talked to him for a bit when he went outside for a cigarette. He said he grew up in Western Wales looking out on the Irish Sea and said he loves being out in nature. I had heard that the Welsh people were gifted in music and poetry but I didn't expect to be totally blown away. It was cool. There was a crazy old couple who danced together at times, were really playful with each other, and were always getting into the music. It was fun to watch. Then there was the couple next to us making out in the corner who we tried to ignore. Luckily, the old guy dancing made fun of them and they left.

Matt and I got coffee and a muffin the next morning. Here was my muffin and out the window you can see O'Neill's where we ate and saw music the night before. Your first morning in another country always tends to be beautiful.

Part of a poem by Welsh poet Ann Griffiths (1776-1805):

What a wonder! to be living,
once to furnace flames consigned;
greater wonder, after testing,
centred here, like gold refined;
time of bleaching, day of sifting,
yet so calm, without distress,
for the one who sifts the harvest,
is himself my hiding place.

Beyond Love

"We want to delude ourselves that of the problem of our emptiness, love is at the root. I want to say to you, it isn't. Love is only the branches. The root goes beyond love. A naked kind of isolation. An isolated me that does not meet and mingle and never can. It is true what I say. There is a beyond in me which goes further than love, beyond the scope of the stars. Just as some stars are beyond the scope of our vision, so our own search goes beyond the scope of love. At least, I think that it is at the root, going beyond love itself."
D.H. Lawrence

I'm so forgetful so I write reminders on my hand sometimes. After reading a chapter in Ravi Zacharias' book, Cries of the Heart, I wrote "beyond love" on my hand to remind me that worshipping God is what my heart truly longs for and love is something that is brought to life from within worship and then overflows out of worship. It's so easy in our culture to be caught up falling in love with love. There's so many movies, books, magazines and tv shows that, as Ravi Zacharias puts it, are "planting in young minds cravings that no human experience could match or placate." And so I've been realizing ways I've been affected by this and have been asking God to plant within me new cravings that are from Him. There's something beyond love that my heart needs and God has started showing me things.

Like this morning, when I went outside, I was so overwhelmed. The air was fresh, the wind brisk and chilly, the sky clear. It was one of those mornings where you expect to have a little sniffle and you want to drink something warm. To the north, the mountainous coastline of Spain rose above the water. No, there wasn't any rain since the rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain...
The mountains were so quiet and still though. It was as if they knew that by humbly being who they are it would be enough to beckon me to them. To the east, the sun had risen and mixed with clouds just over the horizon, its' light making a path of glistening blue and white. All this beauty. All of it beckoning me. I felt like the bow of a violin was playing lightly over the strings of my heart, making me want to sing.

It made me think how there really is something beyond love in all this. I mean, yes, there is so much love here but there's also music and grandness and thankfulness and a longing to give myself wholly to the one who created me. Love is so amazing but it's nothing when it's separated from God. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. Love comes to life more gloriously than we could ever imagine when it's done out of worship. Only it doesn't always look or feel so glorious. Jesus showed the greatest love by giving his life for his disciples and the whole world but it didn't really look like love to them or anyone else who saw Him. It probably looked really foolish or confusing at the time. Jesus was going beyond love though. He chose to worship His Father above everything, laying down his life and saying not my will, but your will. And his worship allowed his love to bring life to so many others for eternity.

"There is a beyond in me that goes further than love, beyond the scope of the stars."

I smile because I know what is beyond the stars. I know Him and am found in Him. I have nothing but He breathes His breath into me, giving me a new heart and bringing me life as I worship Him.

My Heart Set Sail Today

I stare at the ocean sometimes and dream about being on a sailboat out here. Life would be so much different on a sailboat. I would feel so much more apart of the ocean. I would see it, feel it, listen to it, and smell it all day. As it is, I enjoy brief moments with the ocean. I wrote a little poem as I was dreaming about being on a sailboat.

My heart set sail today.
I said goodbye but my voice got lost in the wind.

No longer tied to the shore
but still treasuring its' touch.
Now I float, my sailboat buoyed by fathoms
of deep blue mystery.
Is His love really like an ocean, I wonder?
Like an ocean how? In depth? In beauty?

I lay on my back and smile, feet in the water,
staring at the sky, feeling the wind, listening to the waves,
imagining Him wrapped around me,
holding me like the ocean holds my sailboat.

The wind blows harder and my heart stirs.
The waves seem to shiver as the first raindrops fall.
A storm.

I wonder if His love is like a storm too,
shaking me to the depths of my being,
teaching me to trust,
teaching me to see the ocean with new eyes.
Sometimes I'm afraid the ocean will swallow me
and I'll disappear,
but then I'll only be taken deeper.

Like Flowers Before Thee

Joyful, Joyful, we adore Thee
God of glory, Lord of love.
Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee
Opening to the Sun above.

I chose the picture above because the flowers haven't blossomed yet. I like to imagine them unfolding. For me it's so much better that way than actually having a picture of flowers.

I was sitting on watch today in my morning fog and heard the girl next to me singing this verse from Joyful, Joyful to herself. She wasn't singing it really fast but really slow which is how I like it. I felt my heart open all of the sudden and I started singing it to myself. I love that image of hearts unfolding like flowers before God and Him shining down on them with these unimaginably beautiful rays of sunlight. I sang to myself for an hour or so, letting my heart soak in the words. I find my heart needs this sometimes when it's distracted or calloused. Often, I'll just focus on one or two lines until they come to life in my heart, like the last line of the verse...

Giver of immortal gladness
Fill us with the light of day.

As someone who feels melancholy a lot of the time, it's refreshing to imagine immortal gladness filling my heart like light. All the other lights go out. His is always left shining.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I'm thankful for mornings when the Spirit comes like a breeze on the porch, making the wind chimes softly play out the tune to some hymn. And my heart is like those flowers in the picture above until His Spirit comes. Then a miracle happens and they unfold and I start singing.

Papa, I Love You

I call God, Papa, sometimes since I read The Shack. I think I do it because it helps my heart understand who God is for me and how much He loves me. My heart has changed since I started doing it and sometimes my heart shudders a little when I do because that is a very tender part of the my heart, the part that longs for a Father. I was leaving my room today after a somewhat tiring and confusing day and as I opened the door, I stopped. Papa, I love you. As if to say that none of this stuff mattered in light of Him. I hadn't said those words in a while and my heart shuddered at the thought of God's love. I couldn't help but smile. He's such a wonderful Father and to think that I get to spend forever with Him...