It's different living in the city. It's different because there's such a disparity between people. In the suburbs, yeah there is a little bit of disparity. Some houses may have pools, hot tubs, or trampolines and some may not but everyone's basically on the same level. Everyone pretty much shops in the same places and eats at the same places. In the city, there's very poor people and very rich people all walking down the same street. At least that's the way it is here in Buffalo. There was a a man who came into the cafe I am sitting in. He went table by table asking people, "Excuse me ma'am, no disrespect, but can you spare 95 cents please." No one gave him anything including me. When he came to me, I honestly didn't have any money on me, just my debit card. I told him I was sorry. Later I thought to myself how I easy it would have been to drop what I was doing and I take him across the street, buy him a slice of pizza and talk to him for a while. He's a person. He was created just like me and is more than worthy of 30 minutes out of my Saturday. It wasn't until I moved into the city that I really had to deal with this issue. It's there every time I leave my house and walk down the street. People have a lot of views on this issue but I think it's less complicated than I try to make it sometimes.
Settle the ownership issue. That's how the pastor at my church opened his message last Sunday. He told everyone that we can't move forward as a church until we settle this. Who is in ownership? Is it God? Or is it us? It got me thinking that I can't move forward as a Christian until I settle this issue. Who has ownership of myself? Who has ownership of my belongings? I can't move forward in following Christ until I settle this. Christ says to leave everything to follow him. If I've already done this at some point then there are are two conclusions that can be true about the things that I now have. Either I took them for myself or they were given to me by God. The goal obviously is to have everything placed in the latter category and once everything is given over to God, you can see how it would begin to change everything. If everything belongs to God, including myself, what happens when another one of God's creature comes asking for something. I'm not own. My time is not my own. My money is not my own. So what do I do?
I feel a little odd walking around the cemetery here in Buffalo but mostly that's because I know what most people would think. It's not normal. It's depressing. You're going to spend enough time in one after you die so why walk around one now. I understand all that. I understand that death can be depressing and I know it's not normal to just visit cemeteries because most of the time when I go, I'm the only one there. I'm not saying I would recommend it for everyone but I do want to just share some thoughts I had while I was there.
There's so many graves. So many of them spread out row after row. Some have ornate gravestones. Some have flowers on them placed by delicate hand, expressions of beautiful memories so deeply rooted in themselves like old trees. What I always think about though is what's beneath all the gravestones. There are bodies just like you and me are inhabiting right now. I look across the cemetery and I imagine all the people who walked the earth and lived their lives. There was a day in each of their lives when, like me, they were 25 years old. They all had different worries and cares and dreams for their lives and they all seemed so important. And now every one of their bodies is in the same place more or less. I start getting depressed when I go down this train of thought because it makes everything seem meaningless. It's cause I spend all this time caring about what I'll wear today or what I'm going to do with my life or what people think of me and when I look across the cemetery it all seems so trivial. The only thing that can change this is the ownership issue. That person's name on the gravestone, did they give ownership to Jesus or did they not? The cemetery is a place a great sadness and joy. It's the same feeling for me of moving to the city and being confronted with the reality of things. I come to the cemetery and confronted with this great reality. Every person's life laid out in stones before me - they were all of valuable. They were created and formed by the Father and Creator of everything. He, personally, breathed life into each one. It makes me feel desperately sad to think of such value thrown away as ownership was taken by people for themselves. And then it makes me feel so divinely happy to think of those people who gave ownership to their Creator and gave themselves and everything they had to him. So much joy and sadness in one place. I honestly don't know what to do a lot of the time except to settle the ownership issue for myself and try to help others settle it as well.
Pray for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm writing all these things and maybe some people think they are really spiritual. But these are just my thoughts! None of it matters unless it actually happens. So pray for me and I will pray for you. Ownership must be settled. And then everything will be changed.
