I was talking in my last posting about how we all stink wretchedly just like homeless people do, every last one of us. And it's all because of our sin. It seems ironic and humorous at first to think that we strut around thinking so much of ourselves while we are simply stinking up the places around us. When we really stop to think about it on the grand scale, it doesn't seem so funny anymore. It's actually all pretty horrifying to think that the thing we believe most firmly in, ourselves, is really just a filthy, stinking mess, exalting itself over others because their stench is a little stronger than ours. The sad part for us is that God doesn't even notice that our stench is slightly less rancid. It's not that He is isn't able to notice the difference, it's just that God doesn't see things how humans see things. Sin is sin to God and it doesn't matter how much of it is stinking up our lives.
So what's the point? We're all sinful, that's great, and we know that we're all just sinners just saved by grace. We all say something similar to this to ourselves at times. "Well, I messed up again, that's what I do and I'm pretty much used to it." How does this attitude even vaguely reflect being a new creation in Christ Jesus? Your identity is not a sinner saved by grace in God eyes but rather a saint who is temporarily sinning but covered in the blood of Christ. "Having been set free from sin, you have become slaves to righteousness." (Romans 6:18) A slave to righteousness...it takes a while for it to really sink in. If you want, read the whole chapter of Romans 6.
Donald Miller talk about how we miss the point by surrounding ourselves with religosity. He writes, "In a spiritual sense, our job is to marry Christ." Our mindset as Christians should be marrying Christ. Let that sink in for while. What does that imply? How should we be preparing? What's worth giving up in order to purify ourselves and make ourselves beautiful for him? Is there anything that's just not that big of a deal in terms of getting ourselves ready? What should our attitude be at the beginning and end of each day? How should we position our heart? Does it matter what denomination we belong to? Does it matter what we believe about predestination or baptism or the gifts of the Spirit? Don't you think if you approached God as a lover in a relationship and sought him out in prayer, that he would make these things clear to you specifically? Or does the Father not know how to give good gifts to his children? And when he answers, do you think his words for spoken to your heart specifically or as universal wisdom meant to impose on everyone around you? Or is just easier to accept the packaged answers people at your church give you or that the authors of books you read give you? Isn't it also just easier to look at pornography than to actually remain pure and to prepare yourself to pursue and marry a woman with a heart for God? Pornography is the easy way out. It's the nicely packaged answer that we can jump towards instinctively. We all give ourselves to pornography all the time in this sense as Christians, accepting the easily packaged answers rather than pursuing Christ and preparing to be united with him in marriage. Maybe all of these questions cause us to instinctively make excuses for ourselves. Maybe these excuses just numb our hearts and keep us from realizing how much we want and need Jesus.
When the pharisees asked God which of the commandments was the greatest, Jesus answered that it was to love God and to love others. My question is why do you and I enjoy focusing on so many other things in our "service for God" when we've hardly made a heartfelt effort to get the most important two things down. This is basically where I'm at in my relationship with Christ. I've realized that I want to start focusing on getting ready to marry Christ. I've been focusing on so many other things and have been a whore just like Israel was (read Hosea). I want to start focusing on the two things that matter: loving God and loving others. That's all that really matters and I'm trusting that everything else in my life will flow out of this simple love for the One who rescued me from having to worrying about how I smell to other people.

I was recently reading a book in which the author was pointing out how many Christians are reluctant to have direct contact with the poor and how, for many of us, it doesn't make sense to give directly to the poor since this only encourages their laziness. This is an attitude I know I have had as I have walked past the homeless person on a city street shaking his cup and staring blankly at people passing by. The author went on to say that this isn't a view evident anywhere in the Bible when dealing the poor. Jesus always dealt lovingly and directly with the poor. He didn't give money to an organization that helped the poor, he went directly himself and reached out to them. The apostles did the same in the New Testament. It would make sense for me then follow Christ's and their example before that of the Christian church in America today.
Recently, I was given a chance to act this out on my last night in San Diego before I flew out. I was at a trolley stop late at night waiting for a friend to meet me and their was this man who appeared to be homeless traipsing down the sidewalk of the trolley stop. There really wasn't anyone else around but the two of us. He sat down and began mumbling to himself and scratching his shaggy head of hair. I began thinking about what I had recently read and was convicted. I got up and went up to him. "Do you need anything?", I asked.
"No, I'm fine thanks."
"Are you hungry?"
"No, but some water might do though."
I had just drunk the last of my water while I was hesitating to talk to him. I told him this and apologized. I offered to give him a couple bucks to go buy some but he declined. I saw that he shoes were all torn up.
"Can I give you my shoes?"
"No, these are fine. I have another pair that are better but I'm wearing these for now. I'm going to take the trolley somewhere. I don't know where."
"Do you need a ticket?", I asked. "I have a day pass I won't be using if you want."
He said that would be nice and I fished it out of my pocket for him. He walked up to me to get it, took it, and walked to the trolley which had just arrived. The stench I smelled was horrible and it lingered around me where he had just stood.
The next day I was reflecting on the encounter while reading Hosea. I realized then the reality that the stench of my sin smells even worse to God and yet because of Christ, he embraces me and wraps me in His sweet fragrance. I picture Jesus ministering to the poor, loving them, smelling such stenches and instead of cringing, embracing them and giving of Himself to meet their needs. Let us not be fooled. All of us, after all, are poor beggars in need of the generous hand of God's grace. I would hesitate to call myself a New Testament Christian if I did not live as such. And grace God gives us...a mysterious grace. So much grace that when we are covered with it, He longer calls us sinners or beggars. Rather he sees us as and calls us saints and holy ones and asks us to let Him in so that He can make His home inside of us. How undeserved I am and how great and wonderful His grace to me.

"...the mystery hidden for ages and generations but now revealed to his saints. To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory."

The past four days of my life were just spent in the metal confines of a ship floating in the ocean. My older brother would scoff at this since he is out to sea for eight months. I am definitely relieved to be off the ship for a weekend but it was nice to spend hours in bed on the ship, reading and napping while the ship rocks back and forth, up and down, my stomach sinking and twisting. I rarely check the page number on my book because I have nowhere to go and nothing else to steal my time. I pray and I cry often. The two things have recently come to mean more and more the same thing to me. When I pray, I inevitably end up crying because I feel how much I need God in my heart and God shows me how much those around me need him. I wasn't suprised to find out in one of the books that I was reading that praying in the Bible can be traced back to people who "called on God" in the Old Testament. This can be traced back all the way to Genesis. It could also be translated to "cry out to God". I have known for a while that words in praying didn't necessarily mean anything but what mattered was what my heart was saying. I still use words sometimes when I pray but I have come more and more to just close my eyes and listen to my own heart and hear what its saying. It usually complains a lot and wants me to desire after other things, mostly relationships with girls and figuring out ways to bring more glory to myself by being funny or clever. Then comes the hard part when I begin trying to focus on God and what He is trying to say. I just close my eyes and imagine Him there, I picture what He did for me through Jesus and let that seep in. I think about the Holy Spirit and what he wants to do in me. That is when my heart cries out and I just want to stop praying. I become disgusted and bored in a way because I know He wants my hear to confront these things and replace them. I stay focused on God anyway most of the time and hold myself in His light. It hurts to do this because when I begin thinking about what God did and the reality of the spiritual world around me (myself and others getting attacked) , it takes me out of my confortable world I have been living in. Eventually though I cry out to God and tell him that I don't care that it hurts and I don't care that I screwed up. I want him to accept and use me anyway. This is the same emotional plane of the song "Worlds Apart" by Jars of Clay. Take my world apart. Replace it with You. That's all. Nothing else matters. His light begins to seep in and it feels so sweet. To lift your heart up to God and have him bring his own heart down to you naturally brings tears to your eyes. It is only at this point when I begin praying for other people. I don't have to tell myself to do it really because God's heart naturally wants to and so I want to. I pray for other people in words but also in images. If someone needs peace, I might just begin picturing God's peace as a blanket and then I watch as it wraps around the person and then as I ask God to draw them close to Himself, I imagine him taking the snugly wrapped person into his arms and holding them more lovingly than ever. I think the most important thing though in praying that I have learned is that I never should get to choose or should even want to choose the means by someone is delivered. I am only in the position to beg God. I may pray for God to deliver me in a certain way but I can't care how He does it. God is attracted to weakness and He can't resist our prayers when we come to the point of brokenness where we can only hold out our hands as a beggar and say, "Please Lord...please..."