Looking back at my journal, I realize that I've only really written here about once a month. I think this has something to do with how infrequently I am in a reflective mood and not involved in some spiritual, emotional, or academic battle. I think about the past summer and how much more time I spent by myself, talking with my creator. Lately, I've been missing this time because my heart has forgotten the peace and guidance it brings to my life. I received a book and then a postcard from my grandmother. The postcard lacked any direct point but was just words lingering over thoughts. Somehow though, the postcard meant a lot and put me in a reflective mood that was surprisingly refreshing.
Sometimes I wonder why everything has to be analyzed and broken down systematically. Why can't things just be? When I sit behind my house and watch the tress, I do not want to think of cells and photosynthesis. I want to be inspired by the noise the wind makes as it touches leaves and to be spoken to through the wondrous creation that surrounds me. When I am lost, God sends me these messages, sometimes in the form of a grandmother's postcard, a poem read while just in the right mood, or in the words of a friend that seem uncannily clear in explaining what has been on my mind lately. These are God's love notes he keeps sending me. People want to know how to hear God's voice but it can't be explained because He speaks to each heart in a different way. God is the perfect romancer and He always knows exactly the right words to say that bring out heart into focus.
The sad truth is that most days I don't even give Him the time of day. It's like I've found the love of my life and now I'm content not to get to know Him at all. I hope I don't do the same thing with my future wife. Lately, I have realized just how messed up it is of me to ignore the greatest lover I will ever meet. You would think I would want to get to know Him and hear from Him as much as possible and in turn to share everything that is on my heart. No more of these quick prayers and then off to class. Just like a husband at work can not wait to get home that night to spend time with his wife, I want to be distracted in class because I can not wait to spend time alone with God.
At the same time, I was thinking of how some husbands may do all the rights things but their heart is not in it. They may bring flowers home some evenings and take their wives out dinner Friday night, but how much do the flowers mean and how deep is the conversation over dinner? These are the questions that matter. It would be the same thing if we were to rattle off quick, semi-rehearsed prayers as we get ready for our day, to go to church and Bible study. Just like the flowers and dinner, prayer, church, or Bible study are all good things. The questions that matter come up again: How well am I getting to know my Savior? When is that last time He spoke to me? I want to be able to honestly say that I spend at least fifteen minutes a day talking, sharing my heart, and listening to God. It is amazing how much change I have gone through and how much more peace I have the more I have put this into action. I am anxious to see what will happen the more I continue in this manner.