Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Imagining Myself in the Future

I've been listening to some chill music today and something about it is making me have these very peaceful imaginings of the future. Like I imagine myself on the day when I walk off this ship for the last time. I already can imagine some of the thoughts I will be having then. Thoughts maybe of wishing I had done things differently or that I had been more faithful. I don't think these thoughts will the most powerful in my mind though. The most overwhelming thoughts will be those of thankfulness. I have been on my ship for less than a year and already I am so thankful for all that God has done and is doing. Every day I wonder how someone like me is on a ship doing the things that I'm doing. I would not have chosen this for myself and yet every day I am amazed by fresh grace that flows from heaven.

It's so crazy to imagine the future because the possibilities are endless, so endless, but oh what a thought that God's faithfulness will be there no matter what happens! Truly he is an anchor for our souls and is the only place where we can find rest.

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me
all the days of my life!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

A Day in a Coffee Shop

The majority of the day has been spent in this small coffee shop in Galveston. The environment is relaxing to say the least. It feels almost like time is standing still and I am looking back at the patchy landscape of my life. I don't mind the smell of cigarette smoke. Ceiling fans move hypnotically, making shadows flash across the tables and walls. The music is mostly melancholy, washing away the busy thoughts that have accumulated in my mind. I read here all morning and wrote emails, sipping coffee and floating effortlessly in my mind. I'm back here in the late afternoon and have been listening to music and writing in my journal.

I read beautiful, encouraging, and truth-filled words from Andrew Murray this morning about surrendering to God and letting Him do the work of establishing us in Christ. He pointed out that all our efforts just get in the way when God promises do this work Himself. My focus now becomes more one of not getting distracted, surrendering, and releasing my heart into His promising and loving hands.

Crazy that I should have forgotten the countless times Jesus asked me to lay my burdens down. As I wake each morning, the picture of myself is like a traveller who wakes up from sleep and immediately looks around to gather his things so he can continue his long and tiresome journey. A new image is coming alive in my mind right now and it is of someone who wakes up and immediately his eyes fall on the familiar gaze of His Savior. He then gathers his things and gives them up to the offering Hand and suddenly they all disappear. He feels the Savior take his hand and this Hand leads him through the day, guiding through suffering and joys alike. Suffering and joy are one and the same in light of the the ever-present Savior living from within his own heart.

"And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit as a guarantee."
2 Corinthians 1:21

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Riding the Bus in the Morning

I just had wonderful memory as I was standing outside on the ship this morning of riding the bus to school when I was little. On mornings in the spring, riding the bus was especially refreshing. There would always be atleast a few windows cracked open and fresh spring air would be lightly circulating throughout the bus. Sometimes I would have a book that I was into and it was so wonderful to be wrapped up in a story as the familiar scene passed by outside.
School would pass by as well with all its presumed importance as I would steal brief minutes in my book. While the morning busride would have more of a peaceful, melancholy sweetness, the afternoon busride was happier and full of anticipation as I look forward to more time reading, playing outside, and of course, eating a good afterschool snack with some kool-aid. Now that is a memory that makes me smile:)

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

A Rising Sun

In just a short while I will standing in heaven looking back on my life. Or I wonder if my eyes will be so utterly captivated by the beauty of Jesus Christ that I will not have any desire to look back. Such a thought confronts my heart in many ways. The first thought is one of comfort because the things that frighten me are all the sudden of little consequence. There is also a feeling of reservation though because there are certain things in my life that I am looking forward to such as getting married and seeing what my kids are going to be like. I find then that my thoughts of heaven also make getting married seem to be of little consequence. And the truth is that my dreams of happiness on this earth really are trivial when they stand next to the light of the beauty of Christ. All of this is still setting in but it is gradually dawning on me that I am going to have to let go of such worldly cares as marriage and kids if I am going to experience the joy of being captivated completely by Christ. To be honest, there are two things in my life right now that consume much of my thoughts. One of them is that I will be spending 7 of the next 8 months underway on my ship. The other thought is one of looking forward to getting married. A thought of anxiety and a thought of longing and joy. The beauty of Christ is like a sun rising over the horizon and its light is falling on both of these worries and transforming both of them into vehicles that have the simple purpose of bringing me closer to Christ.

And so I rejoice.

I rejoice at going underway for 7 months because I know without a doubt that such a time will make me fall more in love with my Savior. I rejoice as I look forward to getting married for the reason that this also will also bring me closer to Christ. As my heart conforms with this view, I am finding that my departure is not a cause for sorrow and neither is getting married merely a cause for temporal happiness. All sorrow and temporal happiness dissipate as my hearts' doors open to the light of Christ.

Give me one pure and holy passion
give me one magnificent obsession
give me one glorious ambition for my life
to know and follow hard after you

To know and follow hard after you
to grow as your disciple in your truth
This world is empty pale and poor
compared to knowing you my Lord

Lead me on and I will run after You:)