This is definitely my first time writing in a public journal and it is done after reading someone's journal that describes myself and gives words to my feelings better than I ever could. Nevertheless I will make my attempts at probably very scattered intervals. I do so mainly because I am sometimes afraid to show people who I really am and in so doing, I realize it will be very humbling. I guess I feel ashamed of what I am like a lot of the time. I thrive on emotions and they control me to a degree that is exciting at times and at other times, results a deeply felt confusion and pain. I love the arts, music, poetry, drama. I love to feel and to observe others as they feel things. I huddle up in my seat at dramatic performances and spend much of my time watching the reactions of others at certain parts. I've cried at a few movies and have to say that sometimes I enjoy crying because of the depth of feeling involved. You probably don't know many guys like this and that is exactly my concern in exposing myself to others. I tend to be good at acting and just plain being fake. It hurts being fake. I think everyone wants to be themselves and show others who they are, have others understand them, and most of all find acceptance in others. Thus there is a dilemma that everyone faces of showing their true self and being criticized, or adjusting their actions in order to be accepted. We all face it to different extents though I think we are all good at not thinking about it too much. I think there is a pain in being yourself but there is also a freedom. Right now I set off in search of this freedom knowing that we can only be truly content if this freedom comes from God and in knowing that He is more than enough. I think of the song, "More Than Enough", and I feel it describes what my desire is and by believing it more and more, we all come closer and closer to this freedom.
"All of you is more than enough for all of me. For every thirst and every need, you satisfy me with your love. And all I have in You, Jesus, is more than enough. You are my supply, my breath of life, and still more awesome than I know. You are my reward, worth living for, and still more awesome than I know. You are my sacrifice of greatest price. You are coming King, You are Everything, and still more awesome than I know."