Learning To Hope

How do I get from here to there?

As a never-ceasing idealist, I have imaginative pictures of where I should be. I am constantly thinking on these terms. Here to there. Here to there. I get very excited when I have a new picture of "there" and then I get kind of down when I realize I haven't made it too far and am still basically "here" just like before. I'm learning that's not true though. I am constantly changing. Francis Schaeffer once said that he reminded himself that waking up next to his wife every morning, he was waking up next to a different woman. No, I say. I wouldn't go so far as to say that although it is a nice thought. And so I admire Schaeffer's statement as nice and cute and even romantic but not quite realistic. Is it not realistic though? Was this great thinker merely being cute and romantic? "He who began a good work in you, will carry it to completion" Now if God has begun his work in me at some point in the past and he promised to bring it to completion at some point in the future, does it not follow that he is currently carrying it out presently in this very moment?

Ah, so Schaeffer was right. He was waking up with a different woman every morning just like he was waking up with a new Francis Scaeffer every morning. Just like I am waking up every morning with a new Patrick. If the Spirit of Jesus Christ is living inside of us, then we are being changed as we speak.

I don't really want to believe this though. I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't want to be disappointed. I am becoming a professional at keeping my hopes at a moderate level of realism. There's a deep cynicism in my heart that is poisoning and clogging the fountain of my hope. Cynicism wakes up every morning and thinks, "Today is just another day. And as another day, it will be just like most days and nothing too wonderful is likely to happen. I might as well just look forward to my cup of coffee and that nice new jam I bought at the store." Cynicism disguises himself as someone who "enjoys daily pleasures" and meanwhile keeps his head on straight. Cynicism limits his hopes to the smalls joy like a cup of coffee in the morning and getting by until the weekend. Excitement is limited to daily television programs and football games. Cynicism sees the new Christian who is filled with this crazy joy and hope and says, "Don't worry, you'll calm down soon enough. Enjoy it while it lasts." Cynicism hears of someone getting healed and says, "Those crazy charismatics, always trying to stir up some excitement and never settling for the true Holy Spirit work that comes from reading my Bible." Meanwhile cynicism sips his cup of coffee in his reading chair and reads the Bible with a moderate sense of hope before heading off to the next thing. I'm making a point to read Acts 4:1-22 and to think over it this week and I hope you will join me in this. After you read it, ask yourself these questions. How clear is the miracle that just happened? And how palpable is the hope is that rising up within the hearts of people? And yet these brooding men stand and say, "...we cannot deny it, but in order that it may spread no further among the people..." Miracles are happening right in front of them and that is their response? There is a miracle happening every morning when I wake up. There is a different person looking back at me in the mirror. There is a heart lodged within my chest and there was a point in time when God made it beat for the very first time. And every beat since then has led to this one. That truly is a miracle. My pastor preached on that passage from Acts last Sunday and one thing he said has stuck with me. It was this. "Cynicism refuses to see the miracle that is right in front of its' eyes." I am like the brooders in the passage. My hearts says, "I cannot deny it but let's not let it spread any further. I don't feel comfortable about that."

Maybe some of my cynicism is right. Maybe the charismatics are crazy. Maybe many of their hearts are in the wrong place. But...maybe God's grace is so much bigger than mine, that he chooses to pour out his healing on them anyway. If one thing could be said, I know some of them are at least daring to have hope in a miracle and that's more than could be said of my coffee-cup-sized hope. I am learning that my belief and my hope can't be a reaction to charismatics or anyone else. My belief and my hope must be rooted like a tree in what God says is true. God's Word says that healing does happen. God's word says that I have every reason to hope! God's word says that he is carrying on a work within me that is going to be completed one day. God's word says that God is mighty to save. And then I think of walking in this truth. I immediately get cynical. "Yeah, mighty to save...my grandma hasn't been saved for 80 years..." This is what I have been struggling with lately. I go to pray and there is so little hope within my breast. The Bible in front of me is screaming out possibilities and hopes and miracles and my cynicism cannot deny it but is not willing to let it spread further. In my little apartment here in Buffalo, I am learning to have hope. I am learning to get on my knees and confront whatever dark thoughts are plaguing me that day with the hope of what is true. There is so much that is true and most of it seems too good to be true. Healing? Peoples hearts changing? The praises of God being such in the streets? Okay, let's settle down here. I know we're Christians but let's at least be realistic...

I talk of being realistic. One short oversight. The Bible is my reality. What God says is reality. He is the one who opened his mouth and spoke forth things into existence. He created reality. I know we're Christians but...I need to get a grip and realize that as a Christian, if I don't have hope, I need to learn to hope.