I need focus.
I keep having brief lapses of satisfaction and purpose—brief awakenings from my sleep—and it makes me long all the more for more than lapses. Fullness is what I long for. So I figured it would be helpful if I could focus on a few simple things so I can somehow begin moving in the direction of being a little more awake. Here are my three simple things that came to mind as I thought about how I needed to change.
Simplicity...because so much of my life is filled with things that don't need to be there and aren't really helping me--pointless things that only seem to blur the shapes and colors of my life's painting. I'm always doing something, listening to something, keeping my mind stimulated with some sort of activity. Can't I just be still? "'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope him.'" (Lam. 3.24)
Rest...maybe because I long for it so much. Maybe because I always hear that it's found only in God and yet as a Christian, it's not how I feel much of time. Or maybe it's because I have experienced the rest of the Lord before and it has been the sweetest thing ever. I long for it. "Thus says the Lord, 'Stand by the roads and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is and walk in it, and find rest for your souls.'" Jer. 6.16
Holiness...I have no idea what this means! I mean--I know a little but not really. It's such an intimidating word but I don't know, somehow I feel that in this long dark corridor, it is the key to unlock so many doors. I'm ready to learn what it means and take hold of the key and feel it in my fingers.
"Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God." 2 Cor. 7.1
What will the coming days hold? I don't really know. I know I need to focus on these three things though and they will be the focus of everything I write about in the coming weeks.
"...and it could be blinding depending on the amount of You that I reflect." -Relient K
2 comments:
"What is the greatest factor of power in my life? Is it work, service, sacrifice for others, or trying to work for God? The thing that ought to exert the greatest power in my life is the Atonement of the Lord. Is it not the thing we spend the most time on that molds us most; the greatest element is the thing that exerts most power. We must determine to be limited and concentrate our affinities."
Oswald Chambers uses two words in there I find especially helpful: "molds" and "determines." Hours run together, and days pass so quickly, but I can DETERMINE to be LIMITED. I can limit what I read to that which promotes holiness; I can DETERMINE to concentrate my mind on Christ & his present life & influence. I'm a free moral agent - i can make choices. If fullness is what I long for, if I truly think that there IS a direction towards AWAKENESS, then let me spend myself on what SATISFIES the inner man, not the pleasure-zombie external man.
I like your categories: simplicity, rest, and holiness.
I like that Christ's atonement is elegant in its simplicity; I like that it is absolute in the it-is-finished sense.
I like that he enables REST.He stilled the storm and ended the war between sin, death, and my soul. His atonement gives me rest.
And I like the fact that his atoning blood is is white-hot with purity like nothing else that has ever been seen in this galaxy. No lust, no greed, no selfishness, nothing evil in his blood. Christ's heart never pumped oxygenated blood to enable his brain's synapses to think a thought unworthy of God's hand of creation-entirely holy blood.
the blood of a god, of THE God. You do know what holiness means, Patrick. It means a radical & scheduled confrontation with evil. It means Eustace getting his scales clawed off. It means white-hot, untempered exposure of your inner man to the eyes of God and the mercy of Christ.
If you want to feel it with your fingers you must offer your hands to be nailed. But not just your physical hands, but the busy, capable hands of your mind. You must offer your mind to the nails & the cross. Christ lives, not just in your mind, but in your heart.
No satisfaction will exist until the key of holiness opens your innermost heart to God's eyes.
But it is so hard, and along with Paul i cry "OH! that I would daily want to KNOW Christ, and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death."
Man, Patrick. I hate the lapses. the insensate pleasures, hazy. Selfishness like a spiritual opiate, making me into an unfaithful servant with a vagabond heart.
Usually, after a particularly bland stretch, something will spike into my conciousness & I will go crying back to Jesus, asking him to throw aside the hindrances & let me BUILD something permanent for his kingdom. Returning to him is so bizarre, i mean, why did I drift off in the first place?
Thanks for posting this, Patrick. I've been clinging to 2 Timothy 2:12 since highschool. It is good to read the thoughts of other Believers. Encouraging.
- cate
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