Well, I was cleaning out my room tonight for a move into a new place with my friends Ray and Dan. I found a folder from one my English classes at the Academy and spent a little time reading over some stuff. Most of it wasn't worth rereading but this particular one I had completely forgotten about. I guess I'll let it speak for itself. The piece is more straightforward and upfront because the class was Women's Dramatic Literature and my teacher was a feminist. She was actually very nice but definitely a feminist. :) The guys in the class mostly responded by being overly chauvinistic so it was definitely interesting to read this in front of the class...
I'm tired of being just a guy. I want to be a man. What is a guy good for anyway? He knows all the local bartenders and could show you a good time for the night. The next morning though he's worthless. He'll stumble over dirty clothes, scratching his butt on his way to the bathroom and groan as he empties his bladder into the toilet. He can tell you some good stories, sure, but none of them are ones his mother would want to listen to. When you need advice or someone to talk to, all you get is a blank stare or a muddled reponse that leaves you more confused than before you asked. A guy is a disgrace; capable of so much but settling for so little. One minute he's sweet-talking his mom on his brand new cell phone and the next minute he's at a strip club gawking at someone else's mom. A guy is a contradiction; full of power yet living in weakness. Living for himself.
I want to be a man. Powerful, yet under control. Meek. I want hands full of purpose. Hands that don't rest lazily on my crotch but hands that are quick to reach out to others. I want to pursue, too. I want to pursue a woman; one who's not afraid to be beautiful...on the inside. One who may wear the same old dress every day but who has a heart that's come alive. I want a woman that makes me want to be more of a man. A man will promise his love to a woman in front his whole family and hers before he'll ever make empty promises under sweaty layers of bedsheets. A man will keep his promise until the day he dies.
Be a man, not to be loved but to know and love the One who created you and had to send his Son into the world to be a man for you.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Jesus Died For Me
My God when I approach your thone
And all your glory see
This is my state and this alone
That Jesus died for me.
How can a soul condemned to die
Escape your just decree?
A vile unworthy wretch am I
But Jesus died for me.
Weighed down with sin's oppressive chains
Oh, how can I get free?
No peace can all my efforts gain
But Jesus died for me.
One day I'll look upon your face
And this will be my plea
Save me by your almighty grace
For Jesus died for me.
My glorious love, redeeming love
bore all my shame on Calvary
I will forever seek his face
Because I owe Him everything.
And all your glory see
This is my state and this alone
That Jesus died for me.
How can a soul condemned to die
Escape your just decree?
A vile unworthy wretch am I
But Jesus died for me.
Weighed down with sin's oppressive chains
Oh, how can I get free?
No peace can all my efforts gain
But Jesus died for me.
One day I'll look upon your face
And this will be my plea
Save me by your almighty grace
For Jesus died for me.
My glorious love, redeeming love
bore all my shame on Calvary
I will forever seek his face
Because I owe Him everything.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Loving When It's Hard
"But Moses said to God, 'Who am I that I should go to Pharoah and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?' He said, 'But I will be with you..."
Exodus 3:11-12
I feel like God would say the same to me. He places such great dreams and visions in our hearts sometimes. These are His dreams and His heart. For me it is on the everday stage where it seems to begin. As I spend time with Him and walk in His Spirit, He will begin giving me this heart for something. Right now it is learning how to love people. He gives me a large-scale vision that inspiring and shows me the magnitude of how this could radically change my life. Then He gives me opportunities in the everday small things to begin living it out.
I've been convicted recently that if I'm ever going to be trusted with the big things and fulfill the grandness of the vision, I need to be faithful in the small everyday things. This is where it gets humbling because as I think about this, I realize the contrast of my pride and my weakness. I would presume myself worthy and capable of the grand vision and yet when faced with simple everyday leaps of faith, I find myself compromising and doubting. I am like Moses and say, "Who am I?" Does God not know who I am? He made me and is giving me a vision for a reason. But my Lord is so gracious even in the midst of my doubts and fears. He says, "But I will be with you." Without Him, I realize that I I can't even accomplish the smallest thing. I can't even love in the smallest way. To step out in faith everyday, I am learning that I must simply begin and end with His promise that He is with me.
Lord, help me not to be afraid when you lead me to step out in faith but rather to know you as a trusting child with his Father.
Exodus 3:11-12
I feel like God would say the same to me. He places such great dreams and visions in our hearts sometimes. These are His dreams and His heart. For me it is on the everday stage where it seems to begin. As I spend time with Him and walk in His Spirit, He will begin giving me this heart for something. Right now it is learning how to love people. He gives me a large-scale vision that inspiring and shows me the magnitude of how this could radically change my life. Then He gives me opportunities in the everday small things to begin living it out.
I've been convicted recently that if I'm ever going to be trusted with the big things and fulfill the grandness of the vision, I need to be faithful in the small everyday things. This is where it gets humbling because as I think about this, I realize the contrast of my pride and my weakness. I would presume myself worthy and capable of the grand vision and yet when faced with simple everyday leaps of faith, I find myself compromising and doubting. I am like Moses and say, "Who am I?" Does God not know who I am? He made me and is giving me a vision for a reason. But my Lord is so gracious even in the midst of my doubts and fears. He says, "But I will be with you." Without Him, I realize that I I can't even accomplish the smallest thing. I can't even love in the smallest way. To step out in faith everyday, I am learning that I must simply begin and end with His promise that He is with me.
Lord, help me not to be afraid when you lead me to step out in faith but rather to know you as a trusting child with his Father.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Valleys of Sorrow to Rivers of Joy
I have had the Jars of Clay song, Worlds Apart, on my blog for a while now. I was listening to it this morning and wasn't really listening to words that closely until something in the words, take my world apart, struck my heart. All of the sudden I stopped and realized that this is what God was doing. This is why there has been the sharp and clinging pain of my heart being stretched every morning for the past few days. I started the song again and listened closely to the words.
Take my world apart!
Broken on my knees...
As I listened to the words, God began to speak into my heart even more. My days this past week have been filled with this time of being broken on my knees. These times have been good though because I have come away knowing and feeling closer to Him.
It takes all I am to believe
in the mercy that covers me.
Every morning this week I have had to pour my heart out over and over, many times with tears, longing for Christ to own my whole heart. This is the way that God has designed it, that He requires all of me and nothing less than all of me. In return though (and this is so wonderful), He gives all of Himself, which is so much more than I could ever want! Oh, but to escape this sinful frame that would try to hold my heart back from being wholly His!
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart.
This is what I have felt every morning this week. What I need is to be unreservedly and wholly given to Him. What I believe has been so far from this. And by believe, I mean for my heart to truly know and feel in fullness. It takes these trials and confusing times that bring me to my knees in order to bring what I need and what I believe together. My heart wants this so badly and yet were it not for these times of dim surroundings, I know my heart would never be crying out with such desperation to be one with God's heart.
The last words of the song are my favorite because they leave me standing on the hill of Calvary staring at an empty cross. It was the cross that made the merging my heart and the Father's heart possible. And so as my tear-filled and needful gaze falls on the cross, I want to give Him my all because Christ gives all of Himself.
I look beyond the empty cross...
When I look beyond the empty cross, I see what Christ saw when He looked beyond the cross. Joy.
...who for the joy set before him endured the cross.
Hebrews 12:2
Christ saw joy beyond the cross and so, as I face sufferings and feelings of despair, I must see the joy that lies beyond them and even in the midst of them. I listened to another one of my favorite Jars of Clay songs this morning and God used it to awaken my heart to joy in the midst of all these thoughts.
I will sing of your mercies
that lead me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy. :)
Yes, He takes my world apart, but in return He gives me rivers of joy. These rivers of joy come from the cross and so I must always go there to find them in fullness. It is in the suffering I find at the cross that I taste the joy that lies beyond and within it.
"But as it is written, 'Eye has not seen, nor ear heard nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.'"
1 Corinthians 2:9
Take my world apart!
Broken on my knees...
As I listened to the words, God began to speak into my heart even more. My days this past week have been filled with this time of being broken on my knees. These times have been good though because I have come away knowing and feeling closer to Him.
It takes all I am to believe
in the mercy that covers me.
Every morning this week I have had to pour my heart out over and over, many times with tears, longing for Christ to own my whole heart. This is the way that God has designed it, that He requires all of me and nothing less than all of me. In return though (and this is so wonderful), He gives all of Himself, which is so much more than I could ever want! Oh, but to escape this sinful frame that would try to hold my heart back from being wholly His!
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart.
This is what I have felt every morning this week. What I need is to be unreservedly and wholly given to Him. What I believe has been so far from this. And by believe, I mean for my heart to truly know and feel in fullness. It takes these trials and confusing times that bring me to my knees in order to bring what I need and what I believe together. My heart wants this so badly and yet were it not for these times of dim surroundings, I know my heart would never be crying out with such desperation to be one with God's heart.
The last words of the song are my favorite because they leave me standing on the hill of Calvary staring at an empty cross. It was the cross that made the merging my heart and the Father's heart possible. And so as my tear-filled and needful gaze falls on the cross, I want to give Him my all because Christ gives all of Himself.
I look beyond the empty cross...
When I look beyond the empty cross, I see what Christ saw when He looked beyond the cross. Joy.
...who for the joy set before him endured the cross.
Hebrews 12:2
Christ saw joy beyond the cross and so, as I face sufferings and feelings of despair, I must see the joy that lies beyond them and even in the midst of them. I listened to another one of my favorite Jars of Clay songs this morning and God used it to awaken my heart to joy in the midst of all these thoughts.
I will sing of your mercies
that lead me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy. :)
Yes, He takes my world apart, but in return He gives me rivers of joy. These rivers of joy come from the cross and so I must always go there to find them in fullness. It is in the suffering I find at the cross that I taste the joy that lies beyond and within it.
"But as it is written, 'Eye has not seen, nor ear heard nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.'"
1 Corinthians 2:9
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Zealous in Grace
Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved. I bear them witness that they have a zeal for God, but not according to knowledge. For, being ignorant of the righteousness that comes from God, and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. For Christ is the end of the law for righeousness to everyone who believes.
Romans 10:1-4
These people Paul is talking to have zeal but it is zeal for establishing their own righteousness. Paul's heart is for us to be zealous in the righteousness that comes from Christ.
As I thought about this, I realized that this zeal is zeal that is affected and driven by grace. Therefore it is a zeal that is humbled in the shadow of the cross. The cross demonstrates Christ's zeal in fighting for our hearts. This zeal led Him to lay his life down in sacrificial love. It was also God, the Father's zeal that led him to give up his Son for us and pour out the wrath we deserved on Him. God is a zealous Father, zealous in love for us to the point of giving Himself. Christ is a zealous Savior, laying down his life for us on the cross and now in heaven, zealously interceding and praying for us.
And so, as I pray for zeal to come alive in my heart, I have before me God and Christ as my example. I must be zealous in the grace that they provided for me. It is grace that was bought by their zealous love for me. Their zeal led them to lay down their lives and so I pray that, in light of grace, my zeal would follow their example.
Romans 10:1-4
These people Paul is talking to have zeal but it is zeal for establishing their own righteousness. Paul's heart is for us to be zealous in the righteousness that comes from Christ.
As I thought about this, I realized that this zeal is zeal that is affected and driven by grace. Therefore it is a zeal that is humbled in the shadow of the cross. The cross demonstrates Christ's zeal in fighting for our hearts. This zeal led Him to lay his life down in sacrificial love. It was also God, the Father's zeal that led him to give up his Son for us and pour out the wrath we deserved on Him. God is a zealous Father, zealous in love for us to the point of giving Himself. Christ is a zealous Savior, laying down his life for us on the cross and now in heaven, zealously interceding and praying for us.
And so, as I pray for zeal to come alive in my heart, I have before me God and Christ as my example. I must be zealous in the grace that they provided for me. It is grace that was bought by their zealous love for me. Their zeal led them to lay down their lives and so I pray that, in light of grace, my zeal would follow their example.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
The Hour Has Come For the Son of Man To Be Glorified
"The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.
Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? 'Father save me from this hour'? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. Father glorify your name.' Then a voice came from heaven: 'I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again.' The crowd that stood there and heard it said that it had thundered. Others said, 'An angel has spoken to him.' Jesus answered, 'This voice has come for your sake, not mine. Now is the judgment of this world; now will the ruler of this world be cast out. And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.' He said this to show by what kind of death he was going to die."
I read these words this morning and my heart just longed to hear Jesus' voice. Sometimes I forget how carefully spoken and so full of love his words are. I can read them or skim over them but for Jesus speaking, every word is filled with the intensity of pure love for the purpose of reaching my heart. I understood that this morning as I read his words, spoken after his triumphal entry and his praises still ringing in the air...
The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified...
What is Jesus starting to talk about here? I imagine the way a parent gets somber and hushed when about to break some sad news to his child. Atleast that is the way I felt this morning listening to Jesus speak to me these words. As the words began to unfold about life coming from death, these child-like suspicions began rising up within me...I know what Jesus is about to say. Jesus doesn't ask to be saved though but rather says, "Father glorify your name." The Father answers from heaven, "I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again." This is so beautiful...it is the voice of the Father giving up His Son in order to bring glory. Have you ever watched an old couple lost in loving conversation or a parent and child in a loving embrace? I have too and many times while looking on, I have this longing of wanting to be a part of that love and in the midst of it. I feel the same way reading the Father and the Son conversing aloud so that we can hear. It began to dawn on me as I read this that the Son was about to give up his life so that I could be a part of that love. This totally floored me and broke my heart this morning...
"'And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.' He said this to show..."
At this point in the reading, I jerked my face away from the page and began sobbing. My heart cried out in tears, "I know, I know, I know! I know why. It's because...because he is about to die..." Eventually I looked back at the page and read the words to confirm my feelings.
"He said this to show by what kind of death he was going to die."
Somehow knowing these words were coming ahead of time made it even harder to read. I am so thankful now that Christ has given his life and that he stands in heaven pleading and praying for me but to imagine hearing it right before it was about to happen left me in awe and disbelief. How could someone so beautiful and full of love give his life for me? How can it be that I am in the midst of such pure and beautiful love as there is between the Father and Son?
This is why I want to give my life for Christ and why the words of an old hymn say,
Love so amazing, so divine
demands my soul, my life, my all.
"Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."
Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? 'Father save me from this hour'? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. Father glorify your name.' Then a voice came from heaven: 'I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again.' The crowd that stood there and heard it said that it had thundered. Others said, 'An angel has spoken to him.' Jesus answered, 'This voice has come for your sake, not mine. Now is the judgment of this world; now will the ruler of this world be cast out. And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.' He said this to show by what kind of death he was going to die."
I read these words this morning and my heart just longed to hear Jesus' voice. Sometimes I forget how carefully spoken and so full of love his words are. I can read them or skim over them but for Jesus speaking, every word is filled with the intensity of pure love for the purpose of reaching my heart. I understood that this morning as I read his words, spoken after his triumphal entry and his praises still ringing in the air...
The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified...
What is Jesus starting to talk about here? I imagine the way a parent gets somber and hushed when about to break some sad news to his child. Atleast that is the way I felt this morning listening to Jesus speak to me these words. As the words began to unfold about life coming from death, these child-like suspicions began rising up within me...I know what Jesus is about to say. Jesus doesn't ask to be saved though but rather says, "Father glorify your name." The Father answers from heaven, "I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again." This is so beautiful...it is the voice of the Father giving up His Son in order to bring glory. Have you ever watched an old couple lost in loving conversation or a parent and child in a loving embrace? I have too and many times while looking on, I have this longing of wanting to be a part of that love and in the midst of it. I feel the same way reading the Father and the Son conversing aloud so that we can hear. It began to dawn on me as I read this that the Son was about to give up his life so that I could be a part of that love. This totally floored me and broke my heart this morning...
"'And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.' He said this to show..."
At this point in the reading, I jerked my face away from the page and began sobbing. My heart cried out in tears, "I know, I know, I know! I know why. It's because...because he is about to die..." Eventually I looked back at the page and read the words to confirm my feelings.
"He said this to show by what kind of death he was going to die."
Somehow knowing these words were coming ahead of time made it even harder to read. I am so thankful now that Christ has given his life and that he stands in heaven pleading and praying for me but to imagine hearing it right before it was about to happen left me in awe and disbelief. How could someone so beautiful and full of love give his life for me? How can it be that I am in the midst of such pure and beautiful love as there is between the Father and Son?
This is why I want to give my life for Christ and why the words of an old hymn say,
Love so amazing, so divine
demands my soul, my life, my all.
"Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."
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