"Love suffers long and is kind, it does not envy, does not parade itself." As I read these words recently, I looked into my heart and thought about how much I am impatient, self-serving, uncontent with myself, and how much of my life is really just a show. This love described in 1 Corinthians refers to a pure love, Christ's love, to which our love should always be aspiring. Christ's love needs to be permeating everything I do, every moment and in all things. Many of the best things in life, we have to wait for, and it's partly the waiting that gives them their wonderful quality. It really is a challenge to be patient with myself and with those around me, especially when the flesh inside me tries to take control and keeps screaming at me, "What are you waiting for?" Just this past weekend, as I was playing a squash match with a graduate, afterward he told me, "You're going to win a lot of big matches, you just need to be a little more patient." So that has been my quest lately, just to let go and stop trying to take control of every situation I am in. And when you do, it's the best feeling in the world, and people around you see the difference. As we make these attributes of love a part of our lives, "when we sit in our house, when we walk by the way, and when we lie down, and when we rise.", each one is beautiful and people can't help but notice something beautiful inside us, which is just a small glimpse of Christ's love.
I have been finding my heart lately and was inspired by the words of my pastor, Keith Peck, "Turn the radio off, and listen to your heart." Whether it's the radio or anything I try to fill my life up with, I have been turning it off, listening to my heart, and am amazed at the peace I find in just sitting out back behind my house on a weekend, just staring at the trees, the stars, and listening to the sounds of the night. God blesses us when we give him our time and it's just us and his creation, no people to worry about looking good for or acting a certain way for. Just us, our heart, and God speaking to us through His creation. I have found that the more I stop to notice and calm myself before His creation, the more I am in awe of it, and it never gets old. It becomes a habit, like the man living out in the country who sits out on his porch in his rocker, every night as the sun sets, letting his mind wander, listening to his heart, letting himself be at peace. God wants me and not just part of me but all of me, and what a joy it is to every day, give all of myself up to Him, and through everything knowing He is in the most perfect control.