It has been a while since I have written here and a lot of nothing has been happening since. I have been in classes for a few weeks here and I have to say that the Naval Academy is like a whole new school when you are not a plebe. I am a little frustrated that we are not supposed to make friends with the plebes when they are the ones that I most identify with and are also the most apt to appreciate friendship. In my spiritual life, I have to admit that not much exciting has been going on which I am making a half-hearted effort not to be content with. I feel much like I am being lukewarm. I have been keeping myself away from major downfalls and sidetracks but don't feel like I'm really pressing forward either. I am tempted to just write that I am really going to try to turn things around which I have said so many times in my life and not followed through that it makes me sick. I would just ask for your prayers in this and hopefully I will be able to follow through with what my heart really desires, to be living in God's grace each day here.
One of the things I have noticed about myself is that I get feelings and I really don't know why I have them and it takes a lot of time and effort to figure them out. I feel like I am being dragged through highs and lows, whether it's oddly being attracted to a certain girl and not knowing why, or whether it's feeling despair at some little thing which I am not sure as to why it has struck me in a tender place. I am hesitant to fully embrace these feelings because in the past it has led to a lot of pain. Many times though it causes me to run to God and I have been learning more and more not to demand an answer from Him but rather to just lay down before His throne and express my desire to be his servant and my wish that He would use me in some way. Then just to talk to Him and spill my feelings, trusting that He will be faithful and provide whispers to guide me even though my feelings would take me elsewhere. One of the verses I have been thinking a lot about is from Philippians 4 when it talks about being both hungry and full. It's funny that right now when I think about it, I feel like I am neither hungry nor full and thus falling short in both areas. And once I get to be one of the two, I find it hard to be the other at the same time.
The autumn weather has been coming which I love especially in Maryland. I know that many of you have started school recently and I my wish for you is that you would stop every day to rejoice in God's creation and let God speak to you through the natural surroundings He has placed you in. Many times God will speak to us through His creation and it can one of the most beautiful things and I know you will be blessed by such time well-spent in every one of the days He has blessed you with. Every time you walk outside his love is surrounding you in the wind, in the trees, in the rain.
"And even when the trees have just surrendered to the harvest time forfeiting their leaves in late September and sending us inside. Still I notice You when change begins and I am braced for colder winds. I will offer thanks for what has been and is to come." Nichole Nordeman